Fresh off of the earlier revelation that someone in Kansas let his girlfriend become attached to her toilet seat through the festering sores on her buttocks, we have a new candidate in the Stupidest Midwestern Story You Don’t Want To Believe Is True But You Know It Is Because It’s Too Stupid Not To Be awards.
Someone in Deepwater, MO decided that they were going to install their own satellite dish. This was their first mistake – get a professional to help. I’ve had several of these dishes over the years, and they are nothing but heartbreak if you try to DIY. During the process, this errant home improvement aficionado couldn’t get his drill to make an adequate hole in the side of his home, so being an industrious fellow he came up with an alternative: a pistol. Drills make holes in things – guns make holes in things – so obviously, this was the right tool for the job. So Mr. Hawking decided to take his pistol out and fire several slug into the side of his otherwise law-abiding house.
The biggest of a long line of problems with this story? He managed to kill his wife in the process. She was outside, presumably trying to help find the best place for the hole to go when she was killed by the second of two shots.
The stupidity of this is absolutely breathtaking. First off, what kind of problem-solving process leads one to conclude that a gun is a safe and effective substitute for a drill? What kind of people decide that one person should be outside, probably out of the line of sight of the shooter, waiting to see what happened? What kind of person actually fires two shots in this scenario?
I am NOT making this story up – check it out at the Kansas City Star web site. I couldn’t make this up.